Is It Worth It?

It is 11:11pm on a Saturday night. The house is silent and still. I sit here by the glow of the computer going through my paperwork, trying to place 77 preschool students into prospective classes for the upcoming school year. I have already physically worked a 40 hour work week in my early childhood program. As the teacher and director, I work a double load. After my kids go to bed each night I sit up answering emails, writing lessons, going over employee needs, all of the things I couldn't do while teaching. I am tired and wearing thin, yet I love my job. My sweet Alex claimed to have a bellyache earlier so he is sprawled out on the couch next to me. I look at his little face as he slumbers away and I wonder if this is all worth it. Sure, my salary double this year and I've been able to provide my boys with so much more. Yes, I have job security as far as I know. True, I work in a very positive, healthy environment as opposed to what I walked away from. I love my staff, my students, my families and the foundation of what has become in my program. I can say with 99% certainty that I "heart" my job. Yet, I cannot help but wonder if my kids are suffering. They are in school full time now so working makes sense. I miss a lot of special events like last Thursday when Brennan read a petition at the all school Mass. Or the days when they had a noon dismissal and I needed our college aged sitter to get them from school. Part of me thinks, "They love Danielle and had fun, it was ONLY three hours!" The other part of me thinks, "You should be the one they come running to each day, not a babysitter!" I look at Alex's sweet features and wonder if I am screwing up my kids. Is this job and all the work all worth it in the end? One day they will be all grown up and won't need me when they have a bellyache at 10:00pm. That really pulls at my ol' heart strings. How do I know if I am making the "right" choice for my family?